Greetings again. Thank you for stopping by. I've decided to share some tales of awkward moments, despair or sheer hilarity. My life up until this point has had it's ups and downs just like the next person. But, everyone's got their own greatness to be shared or kept forever locked in a dark corner of their mind. Generally, I have not been one to keep secrets of my own. For others, you bet. I'm a vault. I find that sharing your tales of good or even bad times helps others reflect on the things they have been through. Whether it makes them feel better about themselves or sheds light on a new side of who I am. Either way, here it goes.
Disclaimer: I will not share names to avoid blatantly incriminating others who may have been involved or present.
Six Flags. Summer time. A friend and I were kicking it like you do at Six Flags. Walking in the blistering heat. Because of such, we were checking out all the water rides we could. If you've never been to Six Flags... Well, you have lived an incredibly sheltered life. The lines tend to become more exhausting and draining than the walking around does. We were in a monstrous line for a ride called River Rapids or some such. They change stuff too much for me to keep up. Anyways, it's a long line. Especially in the summer. Now, before you read any further. Personal opinions on touchy subjects in today's world are about to be pushed. If you are offended by what is about to transpire, please try not to be and just put yourself in my shoes here. We were standing in line people watching. Because, that's the second best thing about Six Flags. The first is those pink ice cream things. I don't care what anybody says. Those damn things are the bomb dot com. I noticed a couple that was behind us in line. This couple was of the same gender. It was quite obvious that they were a couple. My friend shortly thereafter also noticed them. My friend gives me this look. Now, this look I know very well. It simply means "Get ready and watch this." Now, again, this was probably almost 10 years ago. We were shitheads. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Rude, smartass, kids. So, after getting said look. My friend says, rather loudly I might add, "Yeah man, I just don't understand where gay people get off thinking they're going to have a happy ending. I mean, Hell. Since when is that a happy ending?!" It's at this point where my hand goes over my face. But, as I said, shitheads and the friendship code. Never leave a fellow man in the line of fire alone. You came together, you get your ass kicked by a giant lesbian together. Now, the 6 footer with the backwards hat whipped her head around. My friend had his back to them. I was facing him. So, I was staring possible assault in full HD. The little one piped up and said... "Excuse me, but I'm a lesbian. I go to church. And I know we are going to Heaven." Yep, the hand over the face slowly returned. Because I know what's coming. And I know this has triggered a very, very bad situation. In one hand I have my own life. In the other I have my friend's life. I really did not want to come home with a black eye from a pissed off 6 foot lesbian. My friend then responds to the woman's remark. "Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. Because you are wrong." This is where everything gets a little fuzzy of what actually was said because it's at this point that I was desperately looking for an escape route. We were on a bridge about 20 feet off the ground. Down was the only way. But that wasn't gonna happen. I suppose I could have just scurried up the line. But, cutting in line is not in my nature. It's just WRONG, man. So, as I kept looking for a way out, they each exchanged very heated comments and insight. I was now sweating twice as much than before we got in line. A few short minutes later, but felt like an eternity... it was like a battlefield of sexual preferences and religious beliefs... I was dodging glances left and right, checking my cell phone, looking for materials to create some kind of weapon, etc. Chomping at the bit to hop on the damn ride to safety. The talking stopped, we approached the ride. Then my friend starts giggling, leans in and says softly to me... "Watch us get stuck with them on the same raft..." Dread. Pure dread came over me. I was mortified. Well, I wish I could say something funny happened after that... but... no. Ok, we didn't get stuck with them on the same raft. But, for the sake of comedy... the big one donkey punched me and threw me into the water.
Now, as I stated earlier... This was a very long time ago and I personally do not care what other human beings preferences are. However, my friend, is not afraid to get into that type of argument with someone. But, being in my situation at that exact moment in time... was... ridiculous. Yep. That's probably the best word to describe it. If you got no humor out of that. I totally understand! But, I at least hope you got a little bit of what I was going through during the whole mess. I'm not proud of it, but it is an episode in my life that will never leave my memory.
-Jake.
