Let's see if I've still got this...

It's been awhile. I'll be quite honest, I've forgotten this thing still existed. But, the internet is everlasting and things float on forever. Having said that, I'm just going to write about some things that have been going on lately. Much has happened to me since I last wrote anything on here. Some good. Some not so good. And some, quite awful. However, I like writing. So, that is what I shall do!

Where to begin? Let's start with something uplifting. I still have a great job! I got transferred to a different department in October of 2015. It was unnerving at first. Meeting new people and having to start over is not something I'm exactly great at. But I have met and become great friends with many people in my new area. Friends I hope to keep for the rest of my life in fact. It's rare to find such connections with people. Especially in the work place. So, I am somewhat grateful I got moved to a new department. New beginnings is a big part of what life for all of us is all about. Moving forward is what is important. As humans we cannot help it sometimes when we dwell on the past. Sometimes, even the present. Hell, even when the past and present are clashing like a tidal wave of emotions you cannot even comprehend. We all have issues.Nobody is perfect. Not even Tom Hanks! I love the guy. He's got it all. Acting chops. The awards. The charisma. Family. Charm. (uhh, Forrest Gump) End of story. Ok, enough about my idol... Humility. That is something I feel like the world as of late is sorely lacking. It may be a lost cause in some people's eyes at this point. But, dammit. We're all on this planet together. It's our only home. And it will be our only home for the foreseeable future. Be good to one another. Even if they're not like you. Or see things like you do. Malice is for the truly wicked, not the misunderstood.

Moving on to the new year. Ah, 2016. I expected such great things of you. Half of it has passed. And of that half, most of it has been nothing but pain, sadness, and pure agony. January: great. February: not bad. March.... March 25th my life got an unexpected blow straight through the heart. Something I'm not so sure I will be able to ever overcome. Since 2011 my best friend and only roomie I've ever had at home has been my little fury friend named Kramer. He was a Maine Coon cat that I found on my porch when he was only about 6 weeks old. I decided to take him in, and keep him indoors at all costs given the fact that I live far out in the country. If I was going to devote so much to an animal, I wasn't about to let it stay outside and potentially get eaten by something. In those 5 years, he became my rock. He followed me everywhere. It didn't matter what I did inside the house. He wanted to be near me. Later I found out that Maine Coon cats are like that in personality. They act more like a dog than a regular cat. They are extremely clingy and require attention from their owners most of the time. Unfortunately, I live alone. So, I was the only life he had. I was his world. And he was mine. He would run to me when I'd walk in the door from work wanting to be held and loved. All he ever wanted was to be in my lap getting attention except for when he was sleeping. He had a better personality than most people I've met in my life. All he knew was love. Whether that was giving it or receiving it. Rather than meow and howl like a regular cat, he would simply "chirp" at me. Basically, they were half assed "meows". Just little cute sounds that were different every time. Except, for when he heard the very rare sound of a can of cat food being opened. He literally went bonkers for canned food. But I tried to keep him healthy and rarely gave it to him. He even enjoyed watching TV! I'll never forget the first time I put E.T. on for him. He sat by my feet in the recliner and just stared. The scene where E.T. gets scared when Gerdie screams at the sight of him and E.T.'s neck extends and screams himself... Kramer jumped off the chair, ran behind the couch and then watched cautiously from around the corner! He had no idea what was happening. I laughed off and on for almost an hour. Early on, maybe only about 6 to 8 months of having him, he had a crazy episode. There was this commercial a few years back about a cat playing the classic song "chopsticks" with actual "chopsticks". It was a thing. Youtube it. Anyways, Kramer was sitting next to me when that particular commercial came on my TV and he literally freaked the hell out. Started running into things, from one end of the house to the other just going nuts. At the time, I had absolutely no freaking idea what was going on! He just started acting nuts all of the sudden. So, I finally picked him up and calmed him down trying to figure out what was wrong with him. After a few minutes I put things together and realized that he had not seen another cat for who knows how long. So, I rewound the TV back to the beginning of the commercial. I held him up near my shoulder just like you would a baby. Just the way he liked. Then I pressed play... Faced him to the TV again. Immediately, claws dug into me in fear. His eyes widened and he began to shake! I scurried for the remote to turn it off but I was too late. He had already gotten too scared once again. Except this time... He peed all over me in the process HAHA! I got him calmed down shortly after with a giant helping of canned cat food. I could go on and on about the memories I have with my baby boy. But I don't expect any one who is reading this to fully understand the bond we truly had. He was a cat after all. Most people do not have that kind of connection with a cat. It's just not common. But, Kramer was special. I've known a lot of cats growing up in my life. This was different. He was the shining light in my life of darkness. The only one I could truly count on to be there to love me everyday when I got home. So, onto the sadness. I had noticed for the past couple of weeks Kramer was not eating well. Was not acting like his normal self. So, I tried changing his food type up. No change. After another week I tried incorporating lots of canned food as well. His favorite! He would gobble for a bit and just leave the rest. He was a tad overweight but nothing unhealthy. But I noticed he seemed like he was having a hard time breathing. On the 23rd I came home and he was nowhere to be found. I literally spent over 5 minutes looking for him in my house. Calling out to him. This was obviously not in his nature. He wanted nothing more than to be right there at the door when I got home. I finally found him curled up behind a recliner. It took me another 2 minutes just to get him to come to me. I could tell immediately that once he came out to see me that he was in pain. So the next morning I took him straight to the vet for a checkup. Because he was an indoor only cat, and that I was the only person he was used to being around, he would not let them handle him. I had to leave him overnight so they could sedate him. That way they could do a thorough X-Ray and physical. I agreed and had to leave to be at work that evening. I asked my grandmother to pick him up in the morning and bring him home so he would be there when I woke up. March 25th... I woke up to the sound of someone in my house. My grandmother. So, I quickly got up, put on some shorts. Walked out of my room. Immediately started looking for Kramer. Saw my grandmother in the kitchen and asked her.... "Soooo, where's Kramer?" She said "He's not going to be able to come home sweetie." She started to cry. And hugged me. Told me that she knew that I loved him. But that I needed to go back to the vet so they could tell me what was actually going on. So, with as much manliness I had in me I said ok, told her bye, thanks... and walked back into my room. I can literally count on one hand how many times in my entire life that I've cried hard enough to be unable to move. Unable to think. Unable to comprehend. This one took the number one spot. I finally got my bearings, went to the vet. They explained to me that Kramer had gotten some form of fungal lung infection. That it had been there for a very long time. It had spread slowly. But at this point it had surrounded his heart, his entire lungs, and other organs. There was no way to save him. I cried again. But held myself together to figure out what the next steps were. They told me they had such a hard time handling him earlier that didn't want me to seem them fighting with him to sedate him. I told them no. I wanted to see him. I am the only person on this planet that he loves and trusts. I will spend my time with him and bring him to you. There won't be any fight if his Daddy has him. I walked into the kennel room. Dogs barking. So loud. They had to put the entire cat carrier I brought him in into the kennel because he would not come out of it. He was not used to any of that. The noises, the random people. He was terrified. I opened his kennel and called out to him. He cried back to me from inside his cat carrier. I reached in to pet him to let him know it was safe. After a minute or two he finally came out. To me. He would always come to me. Even with dogs going crazy all around us. He knew I was there to save him. To take him home and protect him. I picked him up and held my baby boy for the last time. Asked if the vet was ready for me to put him in the gas chamber to sedate him. Gave him the last kiss on his forehead and put him in the box. I had to watch. Watch Kramer crying in the bin being sedated. Looking at me. Crying. Trying to get out. Him looking right at me. Not saving him from it. It is a look I will never forget for the rest of my life. I know that I did what I had to do. That there was no saving him. But nobody on this planet had to look him in the eyes like I did. To be the one that had his trust to finally come out of his box so I could protect him... Only to kill him instead. All in all, putting a pet down is tough. Kramer was more than a pet for me. He was my child. And basically me betraying him in his eyes in his final moments will haunt me for the rest of my life.

It's getting rather late. That took a lot out of me. I'm sorry for it being so depressing! But, I just wanted people to know what Kramer was like and how everything actually went down.

I'll continue the rest of this years craziness in my next entry. Hopefully sooner than the last entry I made!  To anyone who is actually reading this.... Thank you. I'm love to write. And I promise not everything I write about is depressing or controversial.  I just really needed to get the above off of my chest.

"Be, at absolute worst, decent to other people. It costs nothing to be decent to people, and it could be worth everything to someone who wasn't expecting it."

-Jake

Story Time. Part One: Six Flags and the Line from Hell.

Greetings again. Thank you for stopping by. I've decided to share some tales of awkward moments, despair or sheer hilarity. My life up until this point has had it's ups and downs just like the next person. But, everyone's got their own greatness to be shared or kept forever locked in a dark corner of their mind. Generally, I have not been one to keep secrets of my own. For others, you bet. I'm a vault. I find that sharing your tales of good or even bad times helps others reflect on the things they have been through. Whether it makes them feel better about themselves or sheds light on a new side of who I am. Either way, here it goes.

Disclaimer: I will not share names to avoid blatantly incriminating others who may have been involved or present.

Six Flags. Summer time. A friend and I were kicking it like you do at Six Flags. Walking in the blistering heat. Because of such, we were checking out all the water rides we could. If you've never been to Six Flags... Well, you have lived an incredibly sheltered life. The lines tend to become more exhausting and draining than the walking around does. We were in a monstrous line for a ride called River Rapids or some such. They change stuff too much for me to keep up. Anyways, it's a long line. Especially in the summer. Now, before you read any further. Personal opinions on touchy subjects in today's world are about to be pushed. If you are offended by what is about to transpire, please try not to be and just put yourself in my shoes here. We were standing in line people watching. Because, that's the second best thing about Six Flags. The first is those pink ice cream things. I don't care what anybody says. Those damn things are the bomb dot com. I noticed a couple that was behind us in line. This couple was of the same gender. It was quite obvious that they were a couple. My friend shortly thereafter also noticed them. My friend gives me this look. Now, this look I know very well. It simply means "Get ready and watch this." Now, again, this was probably almost 10 years ago. We were shitheads. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Rude, smartass, kids. So, after getting said look. My friend says, rather loudly I might add, "Yeah man, I just don't understand where gay people get off thinking they're going to have a happy ending. I mean, Hell. Since when is that a happy ending?!" It's at this point where my hand goes over my face. But, as I said, shitheads and the friendship code. Never leave a fellow man in the line of fire alone. You came together, you get your ass kicked by a giant lesbian together. Now, the 6 footer with the backwards hat whipped her head around. My friend had his back to them. I was facing him. So, I was staring possible assault in full HD. The little one piped up and said... "Excuse me, but I'm a lesbian. I go to church. And I know we are going to Heaven." Yep, the hand over the face slowly returned. Because I know what's coming. And I know this has triggered a very, very bad situation. In one hand I have my own life. In the other I have my friend's life. I really did not want to come home with a black eye from a pissed off 6 foot lesbian. My friend then responds to the woman's remark. "Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. Because you are wrong." This is where everything gets a little fuzzy of what actually was said because it's at this point that I was desperately looking for an escape route. We were on a bridge about 20 feet off the ground. Down was the only way. But that wasn't gonna happen. I suppose I could have just scurried up the line. But, cutting in line is not in my nature. It's just WRONG, man. So, as I kept looking for a way out, they each exchanged very heated comments and insight. I was now sweating twice as much than before we got in line. A few short minutes later, but felt like an eternity...  it was like a battlefield of sexual preferences and religious beliefs... I was dodging glances left and right, checking my cell phone, looking for materials to create some kind of weapon, etc. Chomping at the bit to hop on the damn ride to safety. The talking stopped, we approached the ride. Then my friend starts giggling, leans in and says softly to me... "Watch us get stuck with them on the same raft..." Dread. Pure dread came over me. I was mortified. Well, I wish I could say something funny happened after that... but... no. Ok, we didn't get stuck with them on the same raft. But, for the sake of comedy... the big one donkey punched me and threw me into the water.

Now, as I stated earlier... This was a very long time ago and I personally do not care what other human beings preferences are. However, my friend, is not afraid to get into that type of argument with someone. But, being in my situation at that exact moment in time... was... ridiculous. Yep. That's probably the best word to describe it. If you got no humor out of that. I totally understand! But, I at least hope you got a little bit of what I was going through during the whole mess. I'm not proud of it, but it is an episode in my life that will never leave my memory.

-Jake.